JAMIE VALENTINO

Love at first lust: A young writer explores a lasting love denied… or is that deferred?

Jared’s profile read 34 years old, six foot one, and muscular. As he opened the door, I saw an honest person. I didn’t fall in love with him immediately, but every visual detail indicated that I could. He looked beautiful in the most masculine ways: broad shoulders, full hair, a confident presence, immaculate posture and a seductive half-smile. At 19, I didn’t understand love—I usually hid from it—but I could still pick it out of a lineup. “He’s the one,” I thought immediately.

Elite Daily (Pride month cover story)

Once I Came Out, Dating Suddenly Became So Hot... And Complicated

Now, it appeared to me that gay men would rather entertain sex without chemistry than the grueling burden of getting to know each other. This was new for me. Being closeted had made my pursuits of vaginal intercourse gradual, to say the least. Usually, a girl would have to throw herself on top of me. I never felt like I had the option to say no then, and to a certain extent, I didn't now.

I wasn’t opposed to casual sex, but I wanted romance, too. I craved everything: the white picket fence with a sex swing inside the house.

What It’s Like To Be a Quadruplet

Our lives began in the Colombian capital of Bogotá simultaneously, my heart beating to the same rhythm as three others. The media celebrated the birth of my brothers and me in 1994 as if it were a miracle. It's weird to receive praise for just being born, but newspapers and magazines printed the news as such: "The first quadruplets safely delivered in 30 years."

The Joy and Liberation of Customizing Your Avatar

TYPICALLY, I HATE choosing—whether it’s what restaurant to eat at or which song to play at a party. Even swiping on potential dates inspires anxiety. I just don't know. My indecisiveness stems from my irrational fear of choosing wrongly, or perhaps it’s FOMO on other options.

My ex-lover turned to me for dating advice with his new boyfriend.

Most gay men would agree that the bedroom is not just where the magic happens; it's where lifelong friendships are made. While it may not be as common for straight people, it's normal for gay men to become friends after sleeping together; two bodies rubbing against each other is often a prelude to future interactions — whether that's dating, keeping it platonic, or something in between.

As a gay man, I partied with only queer women for the first time. It changed the way I act in gay spaces.

I watched Monica affix black tape "X's" to her nipples and don a translucent crop top that showcased her arm tattoos of a tiger and a snake. I realized that my appreciation for her body art — rather than her breasts — was yet another confirmation of my homosexuality.

"Will there be cute guys tonight?" I asked hopefully.

Monica, applying pink eyeshadow, responded matter-of-factly. "It is a lesbian party.'"

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Essays

Love at first lust: A young writer explores a lasting love denied… or is that deferred?

Nearing 30 And Single, I Decided To Date 4 Men From My Past. Here's How It Went.

Once I Came Out, Dating Suddenly Became So Hot... And Complicated

What It’s Like To Be a Quadruplet

The Joy and Liberation of Customizing Your Avatar

My ex-lover turned to me for dating advice with his new boyfriend.

I'm a quadruplet. This is how I found my individuality beyond my brothers.

My Partner and I Were In A Throuple With Alcohol

As a gay man, I partied with only queer women for the first time. It changed the way I act in gay spaces.

Jamie Valentino joins a panel on the Tamron Hall Show to candidly discuss dating struggles